When it rains it pours

Whenever I hear the phrase “when it rains, it pours” I immediately think of this little salt girl. Is that just me? Yeah? Okay. Moving on…

I’ve been seriously struggling with the feeling of isolation lately. There have been changes in our lifegroup and while those are not BAD changes, the dynamic has shifted. Suddenly this group doesn’t seem to be a source of potential deep friendship. At least not for me. They’re bonding TOGETHER quite well and that’s GREAT. But I’ve very obviously been left outside that circle.  I’ve felt distinct resistence when I’ve tried to reach out. They communicate through the week and confide in each other. They do things together. I just find out when I happen to overhear snippets of conversation. And I’ve cried quite a bit over that. Now I don’t think that the exclusion is with negative intentions. I don’t even think it’s intentional. It’s just the nature of relationships and my role within the group.

I have to say I have some AMAZING friends online. I love them and consider them sisters. But they’re really far. I get to meet one this summer and I’m excited. But I’ve been craving off line relationships that go more than just the surface. So.

After weeks of disappointment and crying to God (and my husband) I was finally coming to grips with the situation. I felt like God was telling me that that my deeper relationships were going to be developed elsewhere. I was finally starting to accept that shift in my perception and thoughts.

And then suddenly – last week I got a friend request on Facebook from a woman I’ve only seen in passing. She was sitting in front of us at church a few weeks ago and I saw her crying. It nearly killed me so I reached forward and hugged her. She remembered and posted a sweet message on my wall. We’ve communicated a few times since then & she hugged me Sunday night.

Sunday afternoon a couple of ladies invited me to lunch. One is a perky younger woman that I absolutely adore but we’ve never spent time together outside our volunteer team. The other is a woman I consider almost a mother figure. Yet again, we’ve never spent time socially.  But they invited me and I basked in fabulous, affectionate conversation. In the midst of that I confided my recent struggle. The Mom confirmed what I felt God was telling me about the lifegroup and relationships.

Sunday I also received a Facebook post from another woman. We’re in a book club together and though I’ve felt drawn to her, I didn’t know how to approach her. Well I missed our book club Saturday and she posted that she missed seeing me there.  It meant SO MUCH to me. So when I saw her at church, I stopped to thank her. And SHE asked ME to get coffee. We met up last night and spent 2.5 hours talking. I had a fabulous time and we’re talking about getting together again.

My point? As soon as I quit hyper focusing on one tiny little circle, God showed me the abundance of wonderful women he’s put in my life. I’m not saying that all (or even any) of these women are now going to be my BFFs.  But He’s used each and every one of them to reach out and show me a little love.

1 Comment

  1. oh rhonni!!! my heart just breaks about your feeling left out and feeling rejected. i think most of us women have gone thru that at one point or another and its no fun. but i’m so glad that your story has a happy ending and the Lord showed you how loved you are by others just waiting in the wings.

    i must admit that when i first started reading your story i had a hard time fathoming youbeing in that position becuz of your sweet, sunny personality. i just assume you have friends galore and no one would not want you in their inner cirlce. my bad! i need to remember that we all have relationship issues, not just me. i’ve been dealing with isolation of a new, very small town and have been having a rough time finding friends.

    thanks for being transparent and for encouraging your readers to go to the Lord with our problems and then wait to see how He shows up. love ya friend =)

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