I have several drafts started. I NEED to journal. I LIKE to write…even here, publicly for a couple of reason.This public online adventure (here & Twitter) has been the birthplace of several friendships with women I now consider sisters. Besides – I have no illusions that my life experiences are unique and it can be nice to commiserate over similar encounters. Yet I haven’t completed an entry. I haven’t clicked that little publish button over there.
Last Wednesday a friend commented that I hadn’t blogged lately… I don’t remember how I responded. Then Saturday night I was at a book study dinner and the topic of conversation turned to transparency in blogging.
As you well know, that is something I wrestle with regularly. My husband’s response is always to write what I want and if it upsets someone then pft, whatever, they don’t have to read. Which is all fine and good and yes, I can do that. But I’ve finally (FINALLY) realized that upsetting someone isn’t truly the issue…at least not anymore. There are just some people I don’t want to share with. Oddly I don’t care about relative strangers reading my thought processes. And I certainly don’t mind sharing my life with those who I have chosen to embrace. However. I find myself
almost resenting the fact that some of those non-strangers yet non-chosen even know this blog exists. Irrational – yes. Very. It’s a public site. But there are some people I don’t want to know me. I don’t particularly want to share my joys with them and I certainly don’t want to share my struggles (although I use that word very hesitantly as my life is quite charmed and my “struggles” in the grand scheme of things are laughable). I don’t want to share any vulnerabilities. I don’t want to share my family with them. I don’t want them in my, or (especially) my family’s life, in any manner. I can’t control THAT & my opinion on the matter ultimately doesn’t count. But here? These are MY thoughts, emotions and innermost life and no, I don’t necessarily want those “grit my teeth grin & bear it” pseudo relationships involved.
I like the name of this blog (and we’ve paid for the re-direct thingiemajig) so I’m not starting another primary site. I (briefly) considered taking the entire site private but enjoy participating in things like 100 Words or photo memes on occasion. And honestly, I don’t care who see the frivolous stuff I tend to post. My compromise is to use the private feature on individual posts. I’ve hesitated in the past because that’s a bright red flag announcing that no, you’re not welcome to participate in this particular discussion but I’ve gotten to the point that I just don’t care. You can ask for the password but if your request is ignored…well that’s probably not an oversight.