It’s no secret that my husband spoils me incredibly. I often sit in awe that I have the privilage of being married to a man who is not only thoughtful, selfless, loving & generous, but also GETS me. Every gift he’s ever given me has been perfect (hello DSLR for my birthday!!) but it goes deeper than that. He knows my moods and moodiness. He knows when I need a break. He is the husband I need.
But am I the wife he needs?
It’s easy to get caught up in this ideal of a perfect wife…the Proverbs 31 or Titus 10 woman. She’s productive and wise, serene and respectful. Her meals are always fabulous, her house is always spotless. She doesn’t know that bad hair (or face) days exist. Her children are always angels. She’s multi talented and never snaps at her family. She supports her husband perfectly while weaving an elaborate wardrobe, dropping birthday cards in the mail on time and smiling peacefully. She’s flippin Mary Poppins.
And she doesn’t exist.
As women we tend to focus on what we SHOULD be doing…and what we’re not doing. But maybe what we should be focusing on is what our husbands consider important. What makes them feel loved? What makes them feel most relaxed in their home? The other day I asked Jon what he thought about me giving up make-up altogether. His response was to shrug and say “You’ll get ready faster, right?” He just didn’t care. If I never painted my nails again it wouldn’t faze him. But to some men that’s important. Maybe your husband would prefer a leisurely, hot dinner as a family but doesn’t care if the clean laundry is piled on the couch. Maybe clutter drives him nuts but he’ll happily eat a sandwich after work. I don’t know what it looks like in your house but maybe instead of striving to be the Proverbs 31 woman, we should instead strive to be the wife and partner our husband needs.
I’ll be the first to admit I’m not good at this. Where my husband is selfless and intuitive, I’m self involved and self centered. While it often seems like he can read my mind, I’m often at a loss on what’s going through his. I’ve been assuming he’d tell me if he wants me to do something differently. But maybe it’s time I take the initiative.