We are always reminding TheKid he’s not an adult and/or the parent. And although it’s worse now that he has a younger brother to boss around, this is a lifelong issue:
When he was about two years old, I would hang my purse on the front door handle of our apartment when we came in. One day I was getting dressed and needed something from my purse. I walked into the living room wearing just my jeans and a sports bra. My toddler flung himself across the front door, arms spread wide and yelled “NO MAMA! SHIRT! SHIRT!”
One day when he was barely four, I put my hair into pig tails. As we left for daycare he asked “Please don’t take me in. Just drop me off.” (Yes. Four.) He then informed me my hair was “weird” and his friends would probably laugh. (Yes. FOUR.) Of course I walked him in. I couldn’t “just drop off” my preschooler even if I could have passed up the opportunity to torment him. But when I picked him up that afternoon, he had changed his tune and asked if I could wear my hair like that every day. Because one of the little girls he liked said it was cute. (Yes *one* of the girls…two of them fought over him on the playground and he ENCOURAGED it.) (YES! FOUR!)
When he was six we were with a friend and I decided to get a second hole pierced in my ears. He freaked out so bad over the IDEA that my friend had to remove him from the store while it was done. And he refused to look at me the rest of the evening.
When he was nine, he went to a summer camp for a week. While he was gone I had my hair cut off…from below my shoulders to a super short A-line look. At pick up, he walked right past me, paused a moment turned around and yelled “WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR?” He barely spoke to me the entire two hour ride home.
Last night I got a pair of black knee high boots, super cute, with a low heel. I proudly put them on and showed them to TheKid and TheBoy. TheKid looked horrified and gasped “You are *not* wearing those in public when I will be seen with you!!” I told him *most* women I know have boots similar to these and he said “But my MOTHER does not wear them!” He then stormed out of the house. (Okay so they were on their way out anyway. He still stormed.) Apparently he associates the term “hooker boots” with ALL knee high boots and feels they are inappropriate for my closet even though they’re a low heel.
Maybe I should have his girlfriend tell him she loves my boots. He’s really going to freak out when I come home with my nose pierced isn’t he.