My Child Nearly Died Last Night

My husband left Wednesday morning for the northern regions of the state to do whatever mystical techy stuff that he does to pay our bills.  I don’t worry about posting that for a couple of reasons. One – he’s on his way home. But the primary reason is our 75 pound German Shepherd who sees Dad leave with a suitcase and immediately goes on “HIGHALERT EVERY NOISE IN A HALF MILE RADIUS IS A POTENTIAL DEADLY THREAT TO PACK SAFETY”. I took her outside and a cat had the AUDACITY to run across her back yard within a few yards of her Mom. And Oh. My. Lawd. This dog did not take off with her usual jovial “Oh look a small animal for me to bound after happily and attempt to eat.” No. This was full on ATTACK AND RIP TO SHREDS THE FOUL BEAST. Really Minnie? Really? You know I DID live in Indianapolis *alone* for several years…including one with record high crime rates. And I…oh never mind. A car started three streets over. You’re NOT LISTENING ARE YOU?

But I digress. TheKid.

So. Just the two of us home. I went to  see Mirror Mirror with a friend (cute, silly, funny) and when I got home we threw Dance Central in the XBox to play awhile. I’d pick a song and dance. Then he’d dance the same song, pick a new one and we’d both dance that one.  Of course he always had to pick the hip hop songs because honestly, this kid can MOVE. It’s disgusting really. But I? Don’t pull off the hip hop moves well. In fact he described as looking like “a seal that got hit over the head”. While laughing hysterically. But HE can’t pull off a jazz square to save his life. So. There.

ANYWAY. We played until probably 10:30pm which meant that by the time we’d each showered and took the dog out, it was 11:30pm and I was TIRED. There are two entrances into our room. The one from the bedroom to the laundry room is the one that we use for the dog. Then there’s the “main” entrance into the hallway. I told TheKid to go to bed and took the dog to put her in her kennel. She’s whining and crying because I’m making her go to bed but Dad isn’t home and that’s WRONG. I’m talking to her and yawning and turn towards my bed….and scream. Loudly. Before realizing the body draped across it is my son. Who is now laughing so hard that he’s not breathing. The pillow I was holding over his face probably didn’t help.

Just kidding. OF COURSE I didn’t hold a pillow over his face. I was clear across the room. And. That would be wrong. OF COURSE.


  1. My #1 Son has always enjoyed startling the crap out of me. I suppose I should tell him I have a FOID (Firearm Owner I.D.) card now and there’s no telling what I might have in my hand when I walk in the door – and perhaps scaring the bejesus out of me might no longer be the best idea he’s ever had. But then, maybe I DON’T warn him .. ya know?

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