How to make me feel loved

There’s this cute little woman name Kelsi that I happen to have the honor of serving with at church. Occasionally we cringe together as her boyfriend and my husband together is often…well…it’s interesting. Amusing. But interesting. Anyway. She’s a woman of many talents that also happens to blog. And she posted a list of 30 prompts for November. Now we all know I’ve never completed a 30 day writing challenge and am unlikely to do so anytime soon. But she had some fun prompt so I’ll be plundering her list from time to time. I’ll even try to correspond with the planned prompt on the planned day. Maybe. Today’s prompt was “10 Ways to Win Your Heart” And that sounded fun so I started making a list. But then I decided these two categories really explain it better than a list.

  • Attention! I thrive off attention. It makes my heart soar for someone to make the effort to acknowledge me in a way that indicates they were thinking of me specifically. I’ve had friends show up at my office with my favorite coffee drink for my birthday or because they knew I was having a bad day or just to say hi. Random texts or emails or notes of any sort make me smile. (But please don’t call me.) Sharing a link or story or video one thinks I’d enjoy (or that THEY enjoy) makes me feel important. Physical affection is huge for me. My top love language is physical touch…by a lot. I love hugs. Real hugs. Not quick obligatory squeezes or side hugs (unless it’s a male friend…then a side hug is perfectly fine). My mother in law gave the most awesome hugs in the history of the universe. I miss her hugs. Her sisters do the same. I just don’t see them often enough. I love to hold hands although obviously that is generally reserved for my husband and 10 year old…and the occasional female friend that is a touch needy as I am. I love snuggling on the couch. Physical affection = attention = a happy me.
  • Time! This really goes hand in hand with “attention” because you can’t pay attention to someone without giving some of your time. But it means a lot when someone takes time out of their busy schedule to hang out and have a real conversation. While invitations to larger events are nice (I ENJOY those), it means so much more for someone to invite me to coffee or lunch or to go on a walk…one on one (or a few people) quality time. I don’t mind crowds. At all. But there’s a difference between that and saying “Hey. I want to spend time with YOU.”

Bonus thought: I’ve often said that I don’t like surprises. But that’s not true. I LOVE to be surprised because that person took the time (and energy) to plan something specifically for me. And that makes me feel special and loved. I don’t like SUSPENSE. There’s a difference. Don’t tell me you have a surprise for me…in a week. I hate that.  Surprises are time AND attention. Of course I love them.

Obviously I’m not looking for anyone to win my heart. My husband managed that task awhile back. But to feel loved? I can really be summed up in just a few statements. I want to be shown I’m important in your life, worth time & thought. I don’t need gifts (coffee is an exception) but unexpected moments & words are treasured & appreciated. Attention & time & snuggles. Lots & lots of snuggles. That about sums it up.

(P. S. I’m a horrible friend & rarely show people the love I want to be shown. It’s evidence of how self absorbed I can be. And actually how unsure I can be sometimes if someone is going to be uncomfortable with a hug or happy. Or if they even WANT to spend time with me. But mostly? It’s self absorption.)

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